Meet Our Makeover Winner!Liz McBride says she’ll get some sleep when she dies. With all that goes on in her house, there’s not much time for sleep… or, Liz time. The Fort Mill mother entered rejuvenate magazine’s makeover contest and won, because she handles the most challenges in her daily life. After all, she deserves to be rejuvenated. When McBride left corporate America in 2005 to work from home and spend more time with her sons, she discovered her oldest, Jack, was autistic. “I just always sensed that something was wrong,” McBride said. “When I would pick him up, I felt like I was just his transportation from point A to point B. I would see other moms hold their babies, and they nuzzled up to them. I never had a nuzzler, Jack just wasn’t affectionate.” When he was 14 months old, she started taking Jack to playgroups. “He just wasn’t interested in what the other kids were doing,” she said. “He didn’t want to play with them and then at age two, words were still not coming.” After meeting with the doctor, who told her to give it time, she went with her gut and had him tested for autism. Her gut was right. Now with three boys, all under age five, Jack has many therapy sessions that are time consuming and expensive, even with insurance. Charlie is only 12 months younger than Jack. At first, McBride said having the two boys so close together was extremely hard. However, she said now, Charlie is Jack’s best therapy. “They’re on the same schedule, pretty much wear the same size clothes and they’re interested in the same activities,” she said. “Charlie helps him to learn how to play and socialize.” Nicholas, 16 months old, really just fell into place in their family. But they call him “Ridiculous Nicholas” for a reason. He doesn’t sleep, honestly. Between Jack’s therapies and the night owl in Nicholas, McBride not only misses out on spending time for herself, but also, rest. Being a “type A” personality, she says, hurts her even more. “One Saturday evening, my husband (Mike) said he wanted to take the boys to the airport to watch the planes land, because they love that, and so I could get some rest,” she said. “He said, ‘I want you to just go to sleep.’ But what did I do? I stayed up and wrote a children’s book from an autistic perspective.” It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the cyclical routine, and she is offered help, but has a hard time taking it. McBride finds her biggest challenge is having the energy to do it all, especially with lack of sleep. “Trying to be everything to everybody, trying to get used to not having a professional job with projects and timelines,” she said. “I want to be a great mom, an advocate for my child with special needs, give time and attention to my husband and also to feel accountable.” McBride reports to Winthrop University, among other programs she’s involved in for autism. She accepted an opportunity from Dr. Deborah Leach in the College of Education. Dr. Leach teaches special education majors on how to work with autistic children. For 45 minutes of her class, two students set special goals for and work with Jack. “This (autism) is an epidemic, so anything we can do to give back and help others is great,” she said. Now, McBride is looking forward to giving back to herself. She has to, she can actually relax and enjoy it because she won. It’s a big sacrifice not only to make the time, but to pay for the maintenance McBride would like to regularly do. It won’t be long before Liz gets to feel like a “girly pampered girl.” She’s most looking forward to the hair part. She’d love a “wash and go” fun and easy style to show more of her personality. “I’m 37 years old, so I’m looking for tips,” she said. “I want to be realistic about the age that I am, to be able to feel as young as I feel inside, but look mature and professional at the same time. Being an advocate for my son, or if I decide to go back to work again, I want to look professional and mature. I don’t want it to seem as if I’m trying to look like I’m in my 20’s.” As excited as she is about this opportunity, McBride joked she didn’t see a night’s sleep in the winnings. “Is that part of the package?” she laughed.
Over the course of May, June, and July, Liz will have been treated to a series of makeovers, including styling and salon services from Forever Young Salon, to apparel from Classic Consignment, fitness consultations and personal training from Anytime Fitness to a photo shoot with Portrait Collections. In the August edition, we’ll catch up with Liz and show you what she’s done!
Dads In Training Chris CassellBrand New Dad Chris Cassell will never forget the day he became a father. He was driving home from a 12-hour day at work and thought, ‘What else could happen today?’ That’s when he got the call, it was time. His wife, Whitney, was in labor. Julia Ruth Cassell was born April 8, 2008, weighing 4 pounds, 14 ounces. However, their original due date was April 25th, so it was certainly earlier than expected. The Cassells have been married for over four years, and Chris knew at age 35, even though he was nervous about becoming a father, he wanted to start sooner rather than later. One month after a two week vacation to Europe, the Cassells discovered they were expecting. Chris had only changed one diaper before Julia was born. However, he familiarized himself with the antics of his toddler nieces and nephews and participated in some hospital classes to help him get ready. Not only was there a childbirth class, but also a car seat class, a breastfeeding class and a boot camp class for new dads-to-be. He got to meet with veteran and new dads, hold their infants and get answers. “It was a room with of a bunch of nervous dudes, and these dads are letting us hold their babies and ask questions,” he said. “It was a great preparation for this (fatherhood). After that class, I felt a lot calmer.” Cassell said some of his concerns were losing sleep, giving up hobbies and how much being a dad was going to cost. Especially once they found out they were having a girl, he joked. Once Julia was here, his fears subsided as he recalled a father’s testimony from his boot camp class. It all made sense, the fears just disappeared. “I was a little nervous that when the baby came, I wasn’t going to be able to do all the things that I enjoy doing,” Cassell said. “There was a dad in the class that talked about how he felt that same anxiety, but when he became a dad, he realized he didn’t want to do those things anymore. His priorities had shifted. Now it’s the same for me.” As for diapers… he’s changing them daily. Now that Cassell has the basics of care giving down, like holding, feeding, changing and bathing, he’s already planning ahead. With a career at a company that has a no travel policy, he knows that will make a huge difference. “I think it’s important to make sure that we’re doing the right things developmentally, like giving her enough face time, tummy time, music time…..” The only unexpected Cassell noticed is lack of couple time. Just in the first week home with Julia, he realized how much they sacrificed couple time for parent stuff. “We’ll have to make extra efforts to get that time in to keep our marriage strong,” he said.
Dads In Training Larry BridgesStay-At-Home Dad “Mr. Mom” is not a label that Larry Bridges thought he’d have when he decided to stay home with his family. It’s a title he’s very proud of. Bridges left a good, full-time job with IBM to stay home with his son, Dalton, after his wife’s maternity leave. Both he and his wife felt it was important for someone to be home with the kids. He just had to sell his wife on the idea that it should be him. It was his choice. He didn’t feel too much pressure. Not only did he come from a large family, but had previous experience with kids as a high school teacher, worked at youth summer camps and spent lots of time with his nieces and nephews. “There were certainly some unknowns and I knew there would be some issues,” Bridges said. “But I knew those would be minor compared to the big picture.” Still, Bridges and his wife, Eileen, took several classes together at the hospital, including new parent and infant CPR classes, to be prepared. “The classes definitely helped,” he said. “They helped you know what to expect and to look for, so you wouldn’t be scared. It was very reassuring.” It’s been about seven years since Bridges decided to stay home. Now with his two sons Dalton, 7, and Declan, 3, he is grateful for every minute he has with them. But it hasn’t been without some challenges. Although he wasn’t overly concerned with the mainstream thoughts on child-rearing, Bridges has been surprised by the attitudes and comments he receives about staying home. From the library, where he’s the only male parent, to other places, he runs into old friends he hasn’t seen in a while. You know the one who likes to compare careers or achievements? “I’m a confident person, so it really doesn’t bother me,” he said. “I was just taken back by it. And I still get it, I really do. But as parents, it’s our job to raise our children.” The main challenge Bridges has faced would have to be managing his time. Between running errands, swimming lessons, soccer, guitar, homework and dinner, he finds time management is crucial. The kids showed a little resistance to the idea of a schedule at first, and resistance can sometimes creep back after a school break. With his teaching experience, Bridges does more than just homework, he gives his own spelling tests before the weekly school test on Friday. And he picks his own words. There used to be some resistance to that, too, but the hard work pays off. “Except for maybe a 90 (score), he’s (Dalton) made 100 on every single spelling test,” he said. Not only is he a full-time dad, but he also keeps up the yard work, the cars and other dad stuff. With a plate full of chores and activities, sometimes they need a break. The boys love the outdoors. In his spare time, Bridges both bikes and volunteers on the trails at Anne Springs Close Greenway. Often he takes the boys along. The boys get a lot of guy time, so they certainly enjoy spending time together as a family with mom. Before the boys were in school, the Bridges spent a lot of time camping with their RV. Now with school and vigorous activities, it’s been reserved to weekends and summertime. They have season tickets to the Carolina Panthers games, go to the movies a lot and church every Sunday. Family time comes first. The Bridges usually turn down invitations to events that are adults only, but they’ll be there if the kids can come, too.
Dads In Training, Erik LengersVeteran Working Dad Adoption was always in the plans for Erik Lengers and his wife, Barbara, they just didn’t know when. They knew so many children needed homes, and it just seemed like the right thing for them to do. Lengers began his mental preparation by contemplating what his responsibilities as a father would be. He also had to consider, financially, that they could handle adopting while designing and building their house and ensure it would meet their new family’s needs. Because they wanted to be sure, they became foster parents. It would it give them some good experience, including obtaining knowledge with the Department of Social Services and allow his wife, a teacher, to use her gifts with children. After completing their term as foster parents, they decided to start the adoption process. They put in a request for two children, preferably siblings. The year-long process itself helped Lengers to prepare for fatherhood. The anticipated phone call finally came and sealed the Lengers’ hopes. “I remember I was at work and they called me because Barbara was teaching,” Lengers said. “They informed me they - Catholic Social Services - had gained an accreditation in a new area of Siberia, Russia. We continued talking and somehow the words ‘twins’ slipped out.” Lengers stopped and asked again to confirm, “twins?” As the conversation continued, the case worker said that they didn’t know very much about the twins, except that they were very premature, so they weren’t sure yet what other problems there might be. “I said, ‘It doesn’t matter, that’s irrelevant, give me 10 minutes,’” Lengers said. Lengers immediately called his wife and they knew instantly because it was twins, that “this was it”. They had already been buying extras of everything to prepare, since they had requested two children. So knowing they could get two, it was meant to be. There was an added pressure of time, and other families would also try to be candidates, they had no time to lose. “I called them back and said, ‘Make sure whatever we need to do, we do it now,’” he said. Because no one knew what it was going to be like, no one had been there, it was an intense adventure for the Lengers. They also learned a lot from other couples in the adoption network. For example, some experienced advice on what to bring. When you have to prepare for a journey like that, it’s not like going to the beach. They had already had their bags packed for some time, and even changed out the clothes as the seasons changed. However, something like drinking water, was helpful to be reminded of. The main challenge they ran into involved the baby formula. Because they didn’t want to upset the twins’ digestive system by bringing formula with them, they planned on buying formula there. Then, when they got back they could slowly wean them to what the doctor wanted them to have. But they expected to receive some formula at the orphanage so they would know where to begin. That didn’t happen. Lengers had to go to the grocery store and leave his wife and new sons, Matthew and Andrew, in the hotel. Not only was he out of his element, but he didn’t speak the language. The store was the size of a CVS and everything was in Russian. He finally found the formula and when he went to pay, an issue arose. “They have a counterfeiting problem there, and they wouldn’t accept the 1,000 ruble note I had so I could pay,” he said. The checkout person only spoke Russian and Lengers only spoke English. In order to get them to understand he had to have the formula, he had to get loud and cause a small scene. Then he considered they might call the police and he wouldn’t be able to tell them his wife was in the hotel with two babies who needed the milk. Luckily, they finally accepted his money. When Lengers got back to the hotel, the babies were crying and hungry. That’s when he discovered he didn’t know how to make the formula. “I turned the can over to read how to measure, and it was all written in Russian,” he laughed. “We finally made it (the formula). It was probably too weak or too strong, but I know it wasn’t right, and after all that, the boys were still crying, so it didn’t help.” Even though Lengers mother-in-law came to stay with his wife when they returned to the United States, he still felt guilty going back to work. At the time, however, he worked five minutes away, so if there was an emergency, he could be there quickly. Until things became more routine, he would come home and find his wife trying to feed two crying babies simultaneously. So he jumped right in to help, grateful to be needed and involved. The Lengers’ twins recently turned four, and they are expecting their fourth child, in August.
Your favorite (four-legged) ring bearerThe bride and groom stand before their guests. The officiant calls for the rings. The groomsmen look around. Where is the ring bearer? Finally, they find him — asleep, drool inching down the corner of his mouth. With a nudge from the best man, the ring bearer, awakens and hobbles over to the groom, who takes the ring from a velvet pillow and places it on his bride’s finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.” The ring bearer makes his way back to his place, next to the father of the groom, and promptly falls back to sleep. Who is this drowsy participant? A bored nephew? An aging grandfather? An intoxicated uncle? None of the above. He’s the latest trend in weddings. The ring bearer is a golden retriever. Brides and grooms who can’t foresee getting through this special day without their “favorite family member” are finding ways of incorporating their dogs and other members of the animal kingdom into the ceremony. From horses to goldfish, the range of animals able to help out is quite extensive. The most popular, naturally, is the loyal and loving dog. With a silk or velvet pillow tied around the neck, and the ring placed securely atop the pillow, any dog capable of finding his master when called, can fill the role of ring bearer. Of course, most churches do not permit animals inside their doors, so it is essential the bride or groom check with the ceremony location before finalizing plans. Even some parks have signs “No dogs allowed.” But for a ceremony that takes place in a park or a home, or perhaps even a hotel, a life long companion can bring special meaning to the wedding. If a nephew or niece is penciled in as ring bearer, the dog might act as flower girl (carrying a bouquet of flowers, perhaps), or even as a bridesmaid or groomsman. If you’ve never been fortunate enough to grow up with a dog, there are several other options. One of the more unusual and poetic is the butterfly. It’s a unique and beautiful addition to any wedding. Remember, to successfully carry this off, the wedding needs to take place in spring or summer. You won’t want to have your guests open up the envelopes containing the butterfly only to find that they’re all dead. That’s not exactly the effect you’re looking for. If butterflies aren’t your thing, or the date’s already set for January, send a pair of doves flying through the sky. Should neither of these ideas work for you, or should you find both to be expensive, consider using goldfish as reception centerpieces. A small, glass bowl filled with water and a lively goldfish swimming around makes a charming and inexpensive decoration. They also can be given as a gift to guests. Just remember to send the bowl along, too. Finally, what fairytale would be complete without the bride and groom riding off together in a horse-drawn carriage? If you choose this route, check out my e-book at weddings-performed.com to find out which side of the carriage the bride should exit from. So, if you’re an animal lover the possibilities for including them in your wedding day are numerous. Just remember, they are animals, so if they fall asleep, give them a nudge. And should your pet do the unmentionable, you may want to designate a very good friend for clean-up duty.
The Rev. Roger Reckling is an ordained minister living in Lake Wylie. He has more than 30 years of experience performing weddings. He calls his wedding ministry “I Do” Weddings. He can be reached at (866)IDo-Weddings or check out his Web site, www.Weddings-Performed.com.
Originally published in the Lake Wylie Pilot.
Why a wedding rehearsal is so importantYou want your wedding ceremony to be uniquely yours, something that will launch a day of celebration, an event friends and family will remember warmly for years. The rehearsal is the launch-pad for a successful wedding ceremony. It’s there at the rehearsal that all participants gain the self-confidence needed to fulfill the role they are asked to play. Many wedding establishments often provide a staff person to conduct a rehearsal before the ceremony, normally the Thursday or Friday before the ceremony. Be sure to check on this. This type of rehearsal can be problematic. The venue likely has a set way of doing things. While not inappropriate, what happens at the rehearsal may not be what the couple wants. Some clergy require not only that there be a rehearsal, but they conduct it. Other clergy are willing to conduct the rehearsal if asked, possibly for an additional fee. When I work with couples, I let them know that ideally a rehearsal should be conducted by an experienced professional, like me. But I also offer to share my strategy (at no cost), so the couple can do it themselves if they so choose. I suggest the bride and groom face the assembled guests during the ceremony because it is a much more visual experience for everyone. This requires the presence of a professional wedding coordinator. So here is “the secret strategy for conducting your own wedding rehearsal.” The most important thing to do is conduct the rehearsal backward. This means if there is a receiving line following the recessional, this is formed first, so everyone knows where they stand when the guests file past to congratulate the bride and groom. There is no right or wrong sequence. I like the idea of the bride’s mother first, followed by the groom’s father, then the groom’s mother, followed by the bride’s father. Not only does this arrangement give the visual effect of the two families working together, it allows one side to introduce guests to the other side of the new family. The parents are then followed by the bride and groom, then the maid or matron of honor, best man, and so on. After you’ve helped everyone know where to stand in the receiving line, go to the area where the ceremony is to take place. Position a chair or small table for the imaginary clergy. The bride and groom stand in front of the chair, and the wedding party forms an arc, which allows all attendants to see the couple during the ceremony. Parents are seated in the front row, mothers on the aisle seats. This makes it easier to twist around when the bride is about to come down the aisle. When the bride comes down the aisle, they stand to signal guests do the same. When the bride and groom arrive in front of the clergy, the mothers sit, signaling guests do the same. Next, practice the recessional, or walking out. After the kiss, the bride and groom walk down the aisle first. Before they walk, however, the maid of honor rehearses handing back the bride’s pretend flowers. She actually goes through the motions of assisting the bride with her imaginary train, while the bridesmaid next to her holds the maid of honor’s pretend flowers. Now, the bride will take the groom’s arm, and they walk a few feet as the maid of honor fluffs the pretend train. The maid of honor now takes her pretend flowers and the arm of the best man. I recommend the bride and groom stop in the aisle about halfway down and kiss once more. This makes a wonderful photographic moment and provides a visual effect. Of course, the guests do not realize the moment has been planned. After this second kiss, the maid of honor and best man proceed down the aisle. They are followed by the ring bearer and flower girl, then the ushers and bridesmaids. They are followed by the bride’s mother and father and the groom’s mother and father. If grandparents are part of the processional, they would follow the groom’s parents. The distance between pairs walking out is about half the aisle length unless the photographer needs more distance for shots. Now, the receiving line is formed, which has been practiced. Then go back and repeat the ceremony and recessional, but instead of forming a receiving line, when the groom’s parents or the grandparents arrives in the rear, the bride and groom turn around and shout “Freeze. Everybody turn around and face the front, and stay with your partner.” The line up for the processional, or walking in, is now formed. The people last out of the recessional are the first down the aisle going in, except for the flower girl and ring bearer. The flower girl immediately precedes the bride to pave her way. The groom and the best man are already in their places near the clergy. The bride’s escort (father) joins her. The bride’s mother’s escort joins the line and the same for the groom’s mother if she is not being escorted by the groom’s father. Now, the processional is practiced, and everyone should know where to go because they have just come in twice from where they are supposed to be. As soon as the bride is in position in front of the clergy, the maid of honor pretends to fluff her train with her two free hands, having handed her own pretend flowers to the bridesmaid next to her. Everything can be practiced as many times as necessary. One full hour should be allowed for the rehearsal, except perhaps, a little more time might be added based on how much friends do without a clergy to keep order. One final note, walking in and out is done very slowly. Remember your high school graduation pace to “Pomp and Circumstance?” That’s the pace. The gentlemen have their palms on their belly button, so the ladies they are escorting can hold the gentleman’s arm at his bent elbow. Also, half the length of the aisle is the distance between each pair or person. Conducting your rehearsal is a piece of cake — wedding cake, that is.
The Rev. Roger Reckling is an ordained minister living in Lake Wylie. He has more than 30 years of experience performing weddings. He calls his wedding ministry “I Do” Weddings. He can be reached at (866)IDo-Weddings or check out his Web site, www.Weddings-Performed.com.
